Sick Inside
by noliekinz
Summary: Lavender feels horrible about what's happened between her and Ron simply because she realized how much she hurt Hermione. A not-so-much Lavender x Ron x Hermione love triangle. Inspired by the song Sick Inside by Hope Partlow.


This was the first Saturday since school started that Lavender hadn't been spending time with Parvati. Usually the two of them would be watching the Gryffindor quidditch team practice, but Lavender was trying to keep away from a specific Keeper, so she stayed in their room while Parvati hung out with Padma, her twin sister.

Lavender was hoping Hermione would walk into their room so she could apologize for what had happened the night before, but she knew that Hermione wouldn't come back to their room for a few days. She had stayed in Ginny's room last night and Lavender knew she would be staying there for a few nights more.

"What have you done, Lavender Brown?" Lavender asked herself. She was lying on her bed, looking up at the ceiling. "You're hiding out in your room on a Saturday while your roommates are out; one having fun with her sister and one who clearly won't give you the time of day... It's not your fault you got caught. Besides, you hadn't meant to go to the Three Broomsticks to snog your roommate's boyfriend..."

**I'm just a girl who, kissed a boy who  
><strong>**Is in love with someone else**

She let out a sigh of frustration; she was angry and disappointed in herself, but she knew she couldn't help that she liked Ron Weasley, and she knew that she couldn't take back what happened between them.

**I didn't mean to, feel the way I do  
><strong>**It just happened by itself**

Lavender felt a slight tug in her stomach when she remembered the look on Hermione's face after seeing her and Ron together. She remember the endless tears that streamed down Hermione's cheeks and how hard it was for her to run out of the Three Broomsticks by herself. She felt horrible for making her roommate of six years cry like that, it made her want to cry.

**Now I'm sick inside  
><strong>**It makes me wanna cry  
><strong>**I'm so sorry about last night**

But she remembered how good it felt when Ron and her lips touched, how warm and soft his lips were. She knew then that she liked him far more than she thought she did, but the next thing she knew, she was watching Hermione stumble out of the pub in tears. And that gut feeling in Lavender's stomach started to pull at her insides, she felt horrible.

**It happened so fast  
><strong>**I wanted it to last  
><strong>**In the moment it felt so right  
><strong>**But now I'm sick inside**

It wasn't her fault he came to their room that late afternoon, of course he was looking for Hermione, but she wasn't around, so they just started hanging out. They hung out in the common room, that was all.

**He stopped by my house  
><strong>**We were hanging out  
><strong>**He was wondering were you are**

Apparently Ron and Hermione had something planned that Friday night because he began to worry about what time it was and where Hermione was, so Lavender offered to help him look for Hermione. The two of them looked everywhere for her and ended up at the Three Broomsticks, both deciding to have a butterbeer after their long search for Hermione throughout both Hogwarts and Hogsmeade... And then it just happened.

**We went walking  
><strong>**We were just talking  
><strong>**Then he kissed me by his car**

The feeling of disappointment felt like a punch in the stomach to Lavender. It seemed that every time her mind fixed on kissing Ron, her insides would beat her up for it; she felt terrible about all of it.

**Now I'm sick inside  
><strong>**It makes me wanna cry  
><strong>**I'm so sorry about last night**

But what happened happened and she couldn't do anything about it. As much as she knew she liked Ron and as much as she wanted him to be hers, she knew it was all wrong. Ron was Hermione's boyfriend, and Lavender betrayed Hermione. Roommates shouldn't be on such bad terms like she and Hermione were; she felt really terrible.

**It happened so fast  
><strong>**I wanted it to last  
><strong>**In the moment it felt so right  
><strong>**But now I'm sick inside**

Lavender sat up in her bed, she knew that if she didn't want to feel this horrible anymore, she needed to apologize.

**Now I'm stuck with this feeling in the pit of my soul**

But she didn't know what to say to Hermione but 'I'm sorry':

**"I guess I should've had a little self-control  
><strong>**I knew that I was wrong, I admit it."**

But she knew that wasn't the case. She lost control, but she didn't care. She knew it was wrong, but only after it happened... What would she say besides 'I'm sorry'?

**"I wish there was a way that I could make it alright  
>I really wanna tell you that I put up a fight<br>****BUT THAT WOULD BE A LIE..."**

Lavender leaned back on her headboard after feeling the quick pinches of shame made her feel slightly dizzy. All this emotionally self-inflicted pain really made her want to throw up. She really did feel terrible about all of it.

**Now I'm sick inside  
><strong>**It makes me wanna cry  
><strong>**I'm so sorry about last night**

She tried to focus on what to say to Hermione, but her mind would wander and she would start to think about Ron. Yeah, she felt bad for it, but she really couldn't help it.

**It happened so fast  
><strong>**I wanted it to last  
><strong>**In the moment it felt so right**

Her head started to throb more and more after each thought of Ron. She needed to apologize to Hermione, and she needed to do it now.

**But now I'm sick inside**

Without realizing, Lavender had made her way out into the Gryffindor common room, she scanned the room to see if her roommate was in her usual place studying. To her luck, Hermione was on her favorite couch reading through the _Advanced Potion-Making_ textbook. Something inside of Lavender pulled her closer and closer to where Hermione was sitting. She was scared out of her mind, she didn't know what to say. _Just say 'I'm sorry' and see how she takes it_, Lavender thought.

**Now I'm sick inside  
><strong>**It makes me wanna cry  
><strong>**In the moment it felt so right**

Before Lavender knew it, she was standing infront of Hermione. Her body was slightly shaking and she felt all the eyes of the other Gryffindors in the common room on her, it didn't make her feel any better when she realized that it was the Gryffindor quidditch team in the room with Hermione and herself, but she knew she needed to apologize. Hermione took her eyes off the potions book and saw how sickly Lavender looked. She motioned for her roommate to sit down, but Lavender shook her head.

Lavender looked around the common room and finally found Ron, and she began to feel better as soon as she thought up the perfect thing to say to Hermione. She sighed and looked her roommate in the eyes,

**"****I'm just a girl who,"  
><strong>she began.

**"****Kissed a boy who,"  
><strong>she looked at Ron for a moment, then back at Hermione.

**"Is in love... with... you."**


End file.
